I just got back from the Local
Had to try the local brew
And I ran into the local gossip
And I learned a thing or two
All about you local yokels
And what ya get up to
And he read me your pedigrees
And I'll read em back to you

The local chef's a poofter
The local doc's a drunk
The local priest likes little boys bums
And the local cops a cunt
I said the local cops a cunt

The local mayor's a fuckin dickhead
His wife's the local snob
The local bank manager's a fuckin wanker
And so's the local cob(?)
The local sparky a fuckin cowboy
The local plumber's makin a mint
The local undertaker's a fuckin weirdo
And the local lawyer's full of shit

The local chef's a poofter
The local doc's a drunk
The local priest likes little boys bums
And the local cops a cunt
I said the local cops a cunt

The local butcher's full of blowflies
Local dogs are full of fleas
The local barber's a fuckin butcher
Local coons are fuckin thieves
The local caryard's a fuckin ripoff
And so's the local show
And the local cop's a dead set cunt
But I mentioned that a minute ago

The local chef's a poofter
The local doc's a drunk
The local priest likes little boys bums
And the local cops a cunt
I said the local cops a cunt