It's nine o'clock in the Chinese take-away
And I blame the effect on the gamma ray, the gamma ray
Well, losing out on mah jong
I set my watch to Hong Kong
I blame it all on the gamma ray

I hear the triad has crossed the Tong
In Indianapolis, home of the gamma ray
The deadly gamma ray, the deadly gamma ray

And there ain't no guest list tonight at the Memorial Hall
Cher got in cos she's so thin
And even Evil Knievel tried to wheedle
No - the deadly gamma ray, the gamma ray
I blame it all on the gamma ray
Know why, you know why - the gamma ray

I hear there's entry only to those with green hair
In the next World's Fair because of the gamma ray
Yeah, I hear there's panic buying of shampoo
And those little pots of goo
You know why, you know why all because of the gamma ray

When Alan McGhee went to Dundee
He caused all the rock groups to flee
Yeah, I read it in the N.M.E.
It was the gamma ray

The Chief Brigadier's head began to swell
Firing off depleted uranium shells
He bombarded everything pretty well
Except for the gamma ray
Blow it all away

And then the gamma ray seemed to say
If you carry twelve margaritas on a tray
You cannot be touched in anyway
By the benign, yet malevolent
Mark two chrome, gamma, gamma, gamma,
gamma, gamma, gamma, gamma, gamma ray
Gamma, gamma, gamma, gamma ray

So, let's go back to Indianapolis, oh, Indianapolis,
Yeah, Indianapolis, Indianapolis
Let's go back to Indianapolis
Because it's the home of the gamma ray

Sure, I'm gettin' on a train right now
I'm outta here