Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace
There's no carpet on the floor
Don't try to order dinner
There's no kitchen anymore

But if the road's been kinda bumpy
And you need to rest a spell
Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel
If you've got luggage keep it handy
But you're running out of luck
'Cause the bellhops ain't to organized
And the elevator's stuck
Still if you don't mind friendly animals
And can learn to stand the smell
Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel
Welcome home
Oh, welcome home
No matter where you wander
You will never do as well
Okay the lobby's looking shabby
And it's got the wrong address
And the whole dern thing has been condemned by 'Merican Express
Still the management is cheerful though the whole joint's gone to hell
Well welcome home to Happiness Hotel
Oh there are bugs
There are bugs
And there are lice
There are lice
Sure we have our little problems
But you'll never beat the price
You've got every kind of critter
You've got ev'ry kind of pest
But we treat 'em all as equals
Jes' like any other guest
Though you're cleaner than the others
Still as far as we can tell
You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel
We'd fit right in to Happiness Hotel