There won't be any presents this Christmas
No goodies in your stocking
The milk and cookies that the children left out
Will be left untouched beside the sink

The reindeer will be staying in their pens this year
The elves haven't built any thing
'Cause Santa got arrested
Last Christmas Day

Police got calls on 911
About a red-suited man who weighed a ton
There was a clear trail of evidence pointing north
This was the seventh time it happened on December 24th

The Mounties reached the North Pole
They found it was outside their jurisdiction
They called up Interpol, the Finnish police
To facilitate the suspect's extradition
They knocked on the door of a well-marked shop
With a warrant for the owner's apprehension
Then Santa got arrested
Christmas Day

Santa was charged with B&E
His council advised he plead guilty
There was footage of the crime running on TV
And photographs of little children sitting on his knee

The judge expressed concern about the risk of recidivism
His sentence was commuted
He got a bond of nonassociation with the elves
And his reindeer licence was suspended
He says he's giving up all of his former life
And now he wants to be a dental assistant
'Cause Santa got arrested
Santa got arrested
Santa got arrested
Last Christmas Day