woman: Thanks for calling walmart how may i help you?

milton: oh thank god you answered, let me speak to the toy department!

woman: o.k please hold.

milton: yes ive got an emergency!

deborah: this is deborah, can i help you?

milton: oh thank god youve answered! is this the toy department?

deborah: yes it is.

milton: i have an emergency!
im calling about furby!

deborah: im sorry, i dont have any.
milton: no! im not calling because i need the furby, im calling because i have a defective furby thats spitting all kinds of violent words at me!

deborah: yes maam.

milton: im a sir!!!

deborah: y-yes sir.

milton: my name is milton, i bought furby for my 14 year old boy chauncey, he's 493 pounds, and i promised i would get him a furby if he dropped 25 pounds. hes down from 520 you know!

deborah: yes ma...yes sir.

milton: listen to this furby! im gonna put the phone next to the furby right now! its making all kinds of demonic noises and its making all kinds of cursing and gestures at me!

furby: listen here you little brat, ILL KILL YOU!

milton: did you hear that!

deborah: yes, yes sir.

milton: it said it was gonna kill me! did you hear oh hold on its talking again!

furby: uhh, eat me!

milton: now its using profanity! did you hear that!

deborah: yes sir.

milton: where is this coming from i think were looking at a lawsuit here!

deborah: where are you calling from?

milton: im from my house right now

furby: im going to kill your mommy with an ax!

milton: DID YOU HEAR THAT!?

deborah: yes sir, can you hold on a minute please?

milton: it said it was going to kill my mommy with an ax! what kind of crap are you people selling over there!

deborah: where are yyou from sir?

milton: oh! its talking again!

furby: shut the hell up jackass!

milton: LISTEN TO THAT!

furby: i smoke crack! ohh!

milton: it just said it smokes crack!

deborah: sir, can i let you talk to my manager please.

milton: little furby is promoting drug use! yes, put your manager on the phone immediatly because im calling a lawyer next!

deborah: ok, hold on please.

milton: yes!

manager: hello how may i help you please?

milton: yes is this the manager!

manager: yes it is how can i help you.

milton: is this a decision making manager or a patsy for the higher-ups!

manager: sir, how can i help you, ill try my best.

milton: i have a defective furby that i purchased from you guys, it spitting our all kinds of vulgar and demonic phrases, and im about to call a lawyer to sue your ass off!

manager: what did you say the furby was doing, and where did you buy it?

milton: i bought it from your store here...

furby: (making excorcist noises)

milton: now its making the excorcist noises! hang on.
hang on, let me...let me shake it a little bit to see if i can get it to talk.

furby: youre a little whore, hehehe!

milton: did you hear that!

manager: sir, are you sure thats a furby doll?

milton: yes i am it just called me a whore did you hear that!!!

manager: uh uh um...

milton: hold, listen...

furby: you smell like a camels ass!

milton: now its calling me a camels ass!!!

manager: uh, ok. uh

milton: what are you people selling over there!

manager: well, as far as i know we sell uh, good s...

milton: im gonna turn that into fludgecow mart when i get through with you! this thing is starting to scare the hell out of me!!

furby: DIE DIE DIE!!!

milton: it just told me to die die die!

manager: where did you say you...


furby: i will spit acid into your eye and blind you!!

manager: oh my god!

milton: now its threatining to spit acid into my eyes and blind me!

manager: i heard!

milton: i think.. should i call the police???

manager: i, i dont know what to do!

milton: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! YOUR A MANAGER! I THINK IM GOING TO CALL THE BOMB DISPOSAL UNIT, AND HAVE THEM TAKE THIS DAMN THING AWAY!!!

furby: uhh... im going to give you gonnhorea!

milton: now its threatining me with sexually transmitted diseases! hehehe

manager: ive never heard a furby doll say any of those things!

milton: oh right!what the hell is going.. is this some kind of joke!

manager: no! i..

milton: if this is your idea of a joke, im gonna sue your ass off personally too!! your gonna be living in a street pushing a shopping cart in about 3 weeks!

manager: sir i understand that...

furby: i have a gun! im going to shoot you now! hehehehe!

milton: now its threatening to shoot me with a gun!

manager: sir, i hear these things, but i just..

milton: ITS GOT A GUN! ITS GOT A GUN!

(Gun sounds, milton screaming and furby laughing)


manager: sir? sir? oh my god! it.. o (dial tone)