The office party was hardly where I wanted to be on Christmas Eve,
but I noticed, so I cleared my throat, "Miss, pardon me,"
I said to the girl I caught spiking, what I thought
was a fifth of vodka into the holiday nog.
A smile graced her face, she whispered no one needs to know,
and pointed out where we stood: underneath the mistletoe.
I remember December was the coldest of months.
Plenty of hats and coats for us to hide amongst
in the office closet where she confessed;
this winter intercession secretary intern gig has left her
all work and no fun, she never thought she'd be taking this much dictation.
(wink) It was a gymnastics lesson, drunk and aggressive.
The case of toner cartridges her ass was resting on fell.
To her knees working her lips to hard,
turning her hips begging the kids to play in the backyard.
She tied my arms apart with a belt and a scarf
and reached into my pocket so we could exchange our cards.
I read 'Amy' she read 'Gene,' inbetween her sighs she asked me,
"why don't you give me a ring?'

Slow things down...
Slow things down...
Let's slow things down
Why can't we just,
slow things down?

Well, it's two years later hit the brakes and re-evaluate her.
She lost her lease in april, knew that i could pay bills faster.
She moved in in June and soon the bedroom
would feel the wind-chill factor.She groans,
'when you're at home, you're so zoned, i want to talk to you dear
but that Goddamned cellular phone is superglued to your ear.'
She went out on her own and found a doctor who talked her
into a case of Gotta Jones Syndrome. She's depressed,
50 mil. of Percocet. That's not all, 100mil. of adderall.
What's next? Let me tell you about the Xanex effect,
it's just like being alone only the bed's not cold.
I said 'Amy,' she said, 'Gene.'
In between her sighs she asked me, "why,
why don't you give me a ring?"

SLOW THINGS DOWN!!