They say to have her hair done, Liz flies all the way to France,
And Jackie's seen in a discoth'eque doin' a brand new dance.
And the White House social season should be glittering and gay.
But here in Topeka, the rain is a fallin'

The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin'
One of 'em a-toddlin and one is a crawlin':
And, one's on the way.

I'm glad that Raquel Welch just signed a million dollar pact,
And Debbie's out in Vegas workin' up a brand new act.
While the TV's showin' Newlywed's, a real fun game to play;
But here in Topeka, the screen door's a bangin'
The coffee's boilin' over and the worsh needs a hangin'
One want a cookie and one wants a changin'
And, one's on the way.

Now what was I doin'?
Jimmy get away from there.
Darn, there goes the phone.
Hello honey. What's that you say?
You're bringin' a few ole army buddies home?
You're callin' from a bar?
Get away from there.
No, not you honey, I was talking to the baby.
Wait a minute, honey, the door bell.
Honey, could you stop by the market and...
Hello?
Hello?
Well I'll be.

The girls in New York City, they all march for women's lib.
And better homes and garden shows, the modern way to live.
And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile, today.
Here in Topeka, the flies are a buzzin'
The dog is a barkin' and the floor needs a scrubbin'
One needs a spankin' and one needs a huggin'
Lord, one's on the way.

Oh gee, I hope it ain't twins again.