I had the fever I had the chills
I knew I needed some little red pills
I went to the doctor and said I have the chills
What do you have to cure my ills

The d o c said I've a got a lot
I could even prescribe a bag of pot
But I think you'll find one drug the best
I recommend you put it to the test

So I said what the hey
Give me the drug and do it today
I'll take what ever you tell me to
Just to rid myself of this stupid flu

So he gave me a bottle with a little label
And I took the pills while watching cable
I didn't read the instructions I didn't care
But the next day I started losing my hair

My teeth fell out and I got kinda scared
I lost so much skin that my bones were bared
I got freaked out and I didn't know
If I would ever again bust a funky phat flow

I tried to find the bottle but it was gone
The trashman took it in the early dawn
So I called up the doc and I told him my prob
And he said I'm busy eating corn on the cob

I don't have time to deal with you
And I think that you fully knew
The dangers that were at risk
Then for good measure he added tisk tisk

I said yo doc that's all well and good
But I did not do what I should
I know I messed up but please forgive me
Now it burns badly when I pee

My hair is gone my teeth are too
And this case of diahrea has got me blue
I'm really super sorry that I didn't read the label
But the pain I'm in it isn't no fable
I'd do anything in the world to be bedda
I'd even down a can of fake chedda
I'd wash your car ten thousand times
And include you in all of my rhymes

I'd run ten miles in a sweltering heat
And cuss at the teacher until I was beat
I'd spin on my head for five rotations
And listen to only talk radio stations

The doc said I'm watching friends
And I don't care if you got the bends
Oh joey just said something stupid I gotta go
The trouble you're in I don't care to know

He hung the phone and so did I
I really really wanted to cry
I was in it deep with no way out
I felt a lot like I wanted to pout

Then I realized what had transpired
Even though I wanted the doc fired
He had cured my flu with his crazy pills
I was now free of my former ills

I had no more shakes I was no longer dizzy
And my stomach it was no longer in a tizzy
My cough was gone my flu was cured
And all cuz of the doctor with the big red beard

The next time I saw the doc I said thanks
And he said I've climbed the ranks
The HMO noticed all the people I cured
And it was to upper management I neared

I figure now that I can tell you the truth
Cuz I don't want want you to think that I am uncooth
The pills the pills I don't mean to crow
But what you took was a simple placebo