Down here on the farm the weather gets messy laying around with nothing to do
When you went away you took my cow Bessie I miss her darling more than I miss you
You took off your leg your wig and your eye-glass
And you shoud've seen the look on my face

I wanted to kiss I wanted to hug you but you were scattered all over the place
Where oh where are you tonight why did you leave me here all alone
I searched the world over and I thought I'd found true love
You met another and (pfft) you were gone

I know that you loved me here's my way of knowing
The proofs hanging out right there on the line
When I see the snow and feel the wind blowing
Your nighties hugging them long johns of mine
The noises you made at our supper table your habits my dear, were surely absurd
But how many times do I have to tell you soup is a dish to be seen and not heard
Where oh where...

Remember you phoned me a sobbin' and cryin'
The dog bit your maw and drug her around
You said she looked pale and thought she was dying
I said don't worry I'll buy a new hound
I had six kids and you had eleven and we had eight boys and they grew like flowers
I wish you'd come back without you ain't heaven
Cause your kids and my kids are beatin' up ours
Where oh where...