I don't smoke blunts
'Cause I'm frugal with my dookie
I hock a loogie, spit it out
Then hit the hoochies

I'm on bud like Hux comma Rudy
It's my duty to get loopy
On the Buddha like it's bootie

I smoke fields
I cold cock craps
I smoke peels
Smoke Robe cough drops

I smoke if it's green
I smoke Monopoly homes
It spices up my life
When the monotony drones

I smoke bags
Smoke bails
Smoke 'till I see trails

Only time I put it down
Is when I see a female
Just a minor detail
That will usualy pass

I'll hit that ass
Hit that glass packed
Right with the grass

I smoke Greedo
I smoke Kermit
I smoke the weed
'Til it makes me vermit

I vote third party
That's code for get high
Pass the Yoshi
To the left hand side

Smokey doesn't like me
'Cause I burn up his trees
I smoke more sesame seeds
Than I was Mayor McCheese

I'm just a cancer ridden MC
Seekin' pain relief
Pass the marijuana
Hit it, hold in, release

Call me Dirty D 'cause the question's what the dilly
Fucked up like it's whisky and I'm fuckin' punkabilly
Fuck Tennesse, I'm chumley getting chilly
MC Chris smoke tooth pick spliffs, fuck a philly

I'll scrape your bong
Steal roaches from your ashtray
I'll rent nice dreams
I'll rent Half Baked

I'll eat a box of Frosted Flakes
Because they taste great
Only leads to cat naps
Doesn't lead to date rape

Light the incense
Turn on the blacklight
Steady stressin'
Let's get stoned like stalactites

Break it out, break it up
Pack it the bag pipes
I hit the apple
And I ended up at Applebee's

Went to Wendy's
Went to Denny's
Went to Mickey D's

I went to Crystal
Went to Castle
Went where I pleased

Ate more meat and cheese
Than Mr. Dom Delouise
I slept all day
And I got nothing accomplished

Just being honest
I get paranoid and nautious
I get obnoxious
It's not comin' at a constant

It's a pipe
Not a pulpit
Pass it on
Or get accosted

Call me Dirty D 'cause the question's what the dilly
Fucked up like it's whisky and I'm fuckin' punkabilly
Fuck Tennesse, I'm chumley getting chilly
MC Chris smoke tooth pick spliffs, fuck a philly