It floats up the stairs, it floats down the hall.
It floats into my bedroom, right through the wall.
It glides post my dresser, to the bedpost. I swear.
I'm looking at a ghost! Naaaaa!

There's no such thing! It's not a ghost,
because there's no such thing. No such thing.
I can't be frightened of a globby, green, glow,
'cause there's no such thing.

It plays the piano, it swings on the swing.
It does a lot considering there's no such thing.
Then it boots my computer, as quick as you please.
It floats on the keyboard. It presses some keys.
"What creature may you be?" came up on the screen.
I type in, "a human being."

Suddenly, the rooms goes as icy as winter,
and something came out of the printer...
"No such thing! You can't be human, cause there's no such thing.
Those human stories, they scare ghosts so,
but we know there's no such to thing!"
Now hold the phone! I'm really real!
"You're not!," "are not!," "You're wrong". I cried!
"All right, let's play a game of cards to decide."
"Okay. Whoever wins the game, that one's real."
He types out, "You got it. Now deal!."

I ask him for aces, he types out "you wish."
He asks me for sevens. I type out "You wish!"
"Jacks?" "Sorry." "Queens?" "No." "Sixes?" "huh-uh." "Twos?"
We play for a hour, and guess what? I lose!
"No such thing. You don't exist! There's so such thing!"
It made me crazy to be told where to go
by something who's no such thing.

The story now is over, the story is through.
And some of you may even think this story is true.
But, there's no such thing.
It didn't happen, cause there's no such thing.
I made the whole thing up, so I outta know.
And I know there's no such things.
There's no such thing.
There's no such thing.
I hope!