Parody of Ordinary Life by Chad Brock (Connie Harrington/Bonnie Baker), Magnolia Hill Music (ASCAP) (A division of McSpadden-Smith Music LLC).

New lyrics & music by Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music (SESAC)

Cledus at the kitchen table

Short of breath, legally disabled
Wife walks in, she's so surprised
Can't believe I'm still alive
I say I'm hungry for biscuits and gravy
That patty melt that you always made me
But I can't eat that anymore

They say grease kills;
Tastes good to me
Day in, day out it's all I eat
My third bypass, unclogged the valves
Just to clog them again
Never felt worse;
A constant thirst
Lordy how my left arm hurts
I blame my job, I blame my wife
For this coronary life

Cledus on the ER table
Vital signs ain't too stable
Hey, Doc, I'm proud of you
I didn't think that I'd pull through
Later in Intensive Care
I had the nurses laughing there
So thankful Blue Cross will pay

For the bills, my IVs
Four thousand dollar EKGs
That's the last time I need
Angioplasty
It's off I go to Type-O
To improve my cardio
It's about time I said goodbye
To my coronary life

Sweat's pouring off me at the health spa
The Stairmaster's wore me out again
You know I can't believe how much I miss
The way I used to live

I'd eat red meat,
Pickled pigs feet
Always craving something sweet
My food was fast,
But that's the past
I can't eat fat again
Aerobicize,
Reduced my thighs
No more German chocolate pie
I miss my fudge, I miss my fries
And my coronary life