We're the Beta Band and we're nice and clean
We're always polite and hardly ever mean
Times have changed, we used to be smelly,
We lived in a squat 'til a punk nicked our telly

Since we've been signed we eat real good
We always wash our hands and chew our food
Quashis rotis are our favourite dish
Served spicy with chicken or fish

In the world of fashion there's two shining lights
Nancy and Caroline they helped us alright
And Gordon Anderson played a big part
Just when the Beta Band was about to start

It all started in London town, when we gave our demo to Phil Brown
Then we met Miles at Parlophone and let him hear Dogs Got A Bone
He said "go to Falkner and put it on wax"
So the next week was spent cutting four tracks
Now a manager was needed to make us complete
Miles knew a Wiganer we should meet

His name was Dave with the broken specs
A quiet manner and nuff respec
We met at Nanchos and cleaned the plate
A meal like that we'd never ate

Then we met Brian and the Microdot crew
Martin, Matt and John Platt too
Adrenalin Village was the place to be
We had no money so they got us in free

The first thing Dave did as boss
Was make us play Water Rats in Kings Cross
We played five songs got credit for four
Went down well so we decided to tour

Next up was Henry and Nich
Making the show go without a hitch
Up and down the country *from* side to side
Wi big yin driving it's a bumpy ride

Miles gave us an album deal
We said "yes" and went for a meal
Drinking champagne at EMI
The irony almost made us cry

this one's for Scotland

We went to Wales and fannyed around
Ended up with the Patty Patty Sound
With open minds we went to achieve
Chris Allison caught it all on Neive

He hummed and hawed and became a pest
Twittering on about the old Neive desk
We had to call in Keith and Miles
When Chris' hair got caught in the dials

We started to get known on Radio One
When Jo Whiley got a fax from my mum
Mary Ann Hobbs invited us to play
At Maida Vale we spent a day

With Chris Allison's hair cut free
It was time for Cornwall and the third EP
With a glock and a sax and a mighty gong
All we needed was a hit pop song

We thought this time we were on a good start
But they made a new rule that banned us from the chart
The songs were good so we didn't give a toss
And we called it Los Amigos Del Beta Bandidos

*Hello Nina Chakrabati