Herbicides.
Pesticides.
Fungicides.
All in the name of a greener lawn.


Call Lawn Doctor.
and spread it around.
Have the greenest lawn
in your suburban town.

When Lawn Doctor
raises the rates,
That's when
you do it yourself.

Dig a few holes,
So to plant some brie.
Bags of lime,
Well, don't forget the mulch.

(Chorus)
Chemicals. Chemicals.
More and more chemicals.
Chemicals. Chemicals.
Armchair quarterback on Sunday.
Chemicals. Chemicals
Lawn care specialist on Saturday.
Chemicals. Chemicals. Chemicals. Chemicals.
All in the name of a greener lawn.

When it hits
the groundwater
I know
You won't care.

You'll stay
Comfortably
In your
Lawn chair.

A greener lawn
Is all you want.
A greener lawn
That's all that counts.

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Bet'cah beat your wife when a weed grows in.
Bet'cha beat the kids when they play on the lawn.
Bet'cha beat your wife when a weed grows in.
(I) Heard you shot your dog, 'cause he shit on the lawn.


Chemicals. Chemicals. Chemicals. Chemicals.
Chemicals. Chemicals. Chemicals. Chemicals.
And I'm gonna take my car and tear up your lawn!