Spectral Life Scars

Being too honest with my inner feelings:

It all began at the age of innocence
When beauty around me mesmerized my every senses
In a time where curiosity prevailed
And where I wondered how splendid it would all become
Fragile happiness of the lighthearted
Weightless, sparkling with unfoldment, sheltered
Passionated with blooming hopes of artlessness

Early on I started feeling disquieted when surrounded
Not as if I had something uncommon or dysfunctional
But because I didn't seem to correspond to any acting role
I wasn't able to deal with the predefine or unalterable
So I would rarely share my inner sanctum with any outsider
And that's why I start sinking into dreams
I still vividly remember how easily I was distracted from physical world
I carried on, trying to figure what was wrong
Nothing seemed to explain or sooth the angst
Like if I had been born cursed of heart in an alien world
Many times I have found myself studying those of my kind
And so on, I mimicked their habits to be left alone
Experiences weren't strong enough to support my toughs
So I left everything and let myself fall inside:
That's when negativity and darkness started pouring in
A storm of twisted hateful toughs started inhabiting my life
I craved vengeance and obscure forces around me
That's where I first skimmed the potential of solitude and bereavement
This unearthly feeling which had materialized
Through shades of vicious self-violation
I had roused at that point something I couldn't even harness

Much as happened since then, perspective morphed, darkness coalesced
I don't think I was part of evil
But maybe the purest lightsource, wasted
By a darkness so easily re-creatable through deceived hopes

This slab of existence might sound exacerbate or epic in retrospect from far away
But if you were part in any way in this nightmare, don't ever cross my path again.