The Count has an eye on his ankle,
And lives in a horrible place.
He wants all your money, he's never at all funny.
He wants to remove your face.

And you might begin to run for the rumpuses,
But wait till you meet his accomplices.

When you see Count Olaf, you're suddenly full of
Disgust and dispair and dismay.
In the halls of the soul of Count Olaf
Has no love, when you see Count Olaf, count to zero...
Then scream, scream, scream, and run away.

Scream, scream, scream, then run away.
Run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die.

There's women with powdered-white faces.
And one man, a bald man, and worse.
They worsen and worsen, not a good kind of person.
And others with nastier parts.
They show you an unpleasent truth:
That deep down there's no love acting true.

The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of
The fortune, that belongs to the orphans who cry.
And these horrors by Count Olaf are no laughing matter.
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero...
Then scream, scream, scream, and run away.

Scream, scream, scream, then run away.
Run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die. (x2)