[One, two , three!]

The first night that I come home
So drunk I could not see
Found a horse in my stable

Where my horse oughta be
Come here my little wifey
Explain this thing to me
How come a horse in the stable
Where my horse oughta be?
You blind fool, you crazy fool
Can't you never see?
It's only a milkcow
You're granny sent to me
I've traveled this world over
Ten thousand miles or more
But a saddle upon a milkcow's back
I never did see before

The second night that I come home
So drunk I could not see
Found a coat a-hanging on the rack
Where my coat oughta be
Come here my little wifey
Explain this thing to me
How come a coat a hanging a hanging on the rack
Where my coat oughta be?
You blind fool, you crazy fool
Can't you never see?
It's only a bedquilt
You're granny sent to me
I've traveled this world over
Ten thousand miles or more
Pockets upon a bedquilt
I never did see before

The third night that I come home
So drunk I could not see
Found a head a-laying on the pillow
Where my head oughta be
Come here my little wifey
Explain this thing to me
How come a head a-laying on the pillow
Where my head oughta be?
You blind fool, you crazy fool
Can't you never see?
It's only a cabbage head
You're granny sent to me
I've traveled this world over
Ten thousand miles or more
But a moustache on a cabbage head
I never did see before