I don't mean to gripe but I saw you open tonight
in your latest play and I know what your critics will say
They'll say you should've stayed home and your mind wanders then it roams

They're just jealous of your throne

You've had a little to drink but first night jitters shouldn't make you think
of giving up the ghost, it's what you do best and I love the most
But they'll say you should've stayed home and go over you with a fine tooth comb

They're just jealous of your throne

So please don't close the show
take a deep breath and then blow
everyone away and close your ears to the small minds that say
You sing in a monotone that sounds best on the telephone

They're just jealous of your throne