I'm disgusted by these sanctimonious bastards
Who baptize their flock with their fondlings
Masturbation, sodomies and hypocritical vows of chastity and poverty
They're all cold-hearted people
With nothing but murder and hate in their souls

Let me know if you believe in resurrection
The virgin birth
The burning bush
The parting of the sea and all the other garbage
I really wanna know

You see, I have this bridge I'm looking to sell
It's called the Brooklyn Bridge
And I'm looking for a buyer
Maybe you're interested
I will give you a really good deal
'Cause I'm gonna start a new religion

I wanna start a new religion!
I wanna start a new religion!
I don't believe in the old one
I don't believe in the old one...

Do you know how the blessings of your God really add up?
There are annual dues to be paid
The extracted pledges and collection plate too
The services of your priest at a baptism or wedding really cost you
Why do I have to pay for this?
They could get real jobs and pay taxes too
Well I'm not payin' anymore!
'Cause I'm gonna start a new religion

I wanna start a new religion!
I wanna start a new religion!
I don't believe in your heaven
I don't believe in your heaven...

Why should I burn in hell
'Cause I belong to a different religion?
If I'm a good person
Good people shouldn't be excluded!
Just because they haven't been baptized, batmitzvahed
Just be a good person, the best you can
And you won't have to change your religion!
'Cause I'm gonna start a new one

I wanna start a new religion!
I wanna start a new religion!
I'm so tired of the hatred
I'm so tired of the hatred...

The Jews hate the Arabs
The Serbs hate the Muslims
The Protestants hate the Catholics
And then there are religious wars
Boring, boring, boring...
There shouldn't be any reasons to fight anyone with another belief

Kiss your scriptures
Kiss your Satanic writings for all I care
'Cause there's gonna be room for everyone
In the new religion I'm gonna start

I wanna start a new religion!
I wanna start a new religion!
Too much praying in the old one
Too much praying in the old one...

Did you ever stop to think
That the only thing that ever happens at a church
Or temple or mosque is praying?
Muslims have to pray five times a day!
What for?
It's nothing but a colossal waste of t-t-t-time
I can tell
Well there's not gonna be any praying anymore

My ideas gonna be to form good deeds
That's the new religion-
That's it, good deeds, nothing more
No priests, no praying, no fasting
All the blessing will be free
And everyone belongs by performing good deeds
That's the new religion and I'm founding it!

I'm gonna start it real soon
'Cause the old one doesn't work anymore
And Armageddon is just around the corner
Just around the corner

Man's voice:
Hey, what do you think you're some kind of prophet, or something?