i duno wat you heard about me,
but you aint gettin a smirnoff for free.
you can sit urself on my knee.
but keep your hands off my P.I.N.T..

now sharon, shes in the pub shes pullin the pints..
n pullin the punters if she thinks the price is right..
shes into nuts and gin with slim line tonic..
she plucked out her eyebrow n drew a line on it!
I don't buy her a drink I jus get her some pork scratchins,
keep her off my pint cos I think her warts catchin..(urgh)
its pub quiz night n its bad for my health..
she asked me 21 questions and there all about herself..
she likes my hair she likes my car shes in the daily sport¦
I don't understand a single word because she comes from york..
im not that bloke that's only tryna get her into bed, (nop)¦
im that bloke that's only tryin cos im off my head..(yep)
we can leave now if your startin to get bored..
we'l take the bus home because my nova's not insured..
look love its simple if your sittin with me..
sip your drink but don't touch my P.I.N.T

i duno wat you heard about me,
but you aint gettin a smirnoff for free.
you can sit urself on my knee..
but keep your hands off my P.I.N.T..

bur-bur-bur-bur-burn unitttttttttt!
f-er-f-t-y pence that's me,
I work in the burn unit infirmary
NHS pention til im sixty three
and you no that im representin kings Langley..
f-er-f-t-y pence thats me,
im a nature loving geezer you can find me in the tree..
im accidently known and locally accepted..
get off my pint..
so now you no about me..
yea love got my reebok classics on,
im bout to show you why my pint hand is quite strong..
your not wrong if u think I got a lazy eye,
its cos I had a mishap with a steak n kidney pie ..
I down a pint the same way I down a glass of water..
I swear I didn't no this bird was the landlords daughter¦
burn,do,..n-i-tizzy,
I bumped my head and now im feelin dizzy..
iv got people in Watford that no how I get down ..
got a bird in hemmel a few mates in town,
iv got a job in macdonalds and im not messin around..
iv got a big mac, mcflurry's and a quarter pound-errr..
just put it on my tab..
pick up a doner at millennium kebab,..for closin time..
and about the fighting..
iv got a beer proof vest to avoid the pinting..pinting..pinting¦

i duno wat you heard about me,
but you aint gettin a smirnoff for free.
you can sit urself on my knee,
but keep your hands off my P.I.N.T..
¦ yea..
now in Hollywood they say theres no business like show business,
wel in the pub dave said.. theres no business like the dough business,
he's a baker¦.
See if I talk really fast I sound like a prat
but if you listen real fast I don't gotta slow down..
haha..
yea..