It used to be a motel
Now they serve biscuits and t-shirts
I bring my own tea bag
I don't trust the coffee
But the biscuits are delicious

They come eight to a plate with a big block of butter
and homemade peach preserves

And I wish you were here, my arrogant lover
I'd make you eat grits and the red-eyed gravy
I'd make you sit down with the southern ladies and
their blue pantsuits
I'd talk about Jesus
Talk about the weather
Watch you squirm as I told them we were married with two girls

I'd say you were in trucking
And I was a teacher
In a Christian school where the kids are good
And they don't do drugs and they save themselves
before they're married
I wouldn't tell them you had a wife
That wasn't me and we just had sex
And they wouldn't be impressed if I told them you knew Lou Reed

And the stars upon the walls look down at me like gods
There's Ernest Borgnine and Billy Ray Cyrus and my favorite Minnie Pearl

So I go for the coffee
It's not bad just a little weak
And I ask the waitress for another plate of the famous biscuits
She said you must have a bottomless pit
I said you don't know the half of it
Lately I've been so hungry

And the stars upon the wall look down at me like gods
Minnie she just shakes her head
She said "Girl get your heart out of the frying pan"

It used to be a motel
Now they serve biscuits and smoked ham
I write you a postcard from the loveless motel