(Kinky Friedman, Roger Friedman)
He was just an old-time preacher on the ol' time radio
But they never learn to listen till they lived enough to know.
I used to walk out on that porch when mama'd turn the durn thing on

To the Gospel accordin' to John.

Her mail-order prayer shawl fell across her silver hair,
Her sad eyes saw a better world when John came on the air.
Mama had someone to turn to â'‚¬? she was rockin' all night long
To the Gospel accordin' to John.

You see, she was a blind believer in John's bible beatin' game.
He'd heal â'‚¬?em, wheel â'‚¬?em, deal â'‚¬?em, bless â'‚¬?em in Heaven's name.
Onward Christian soldiers, just a dollar and a half
Buys a photo of Jesus with an autograph.

And Jesus was a-watching from the table by the door
When that rockin' chair grew silent and that shawl fell to the floor.
I walked out on that porch because I couldnâ'‚¬?t find a prayer
When a kindly voice come a-cracklin' â'‚¬?cross the air.

Said, â'‚¬?Folks, them righteous times are cominâ'‚¬?, I say, they're comin' right on back.
You can hop that gospel train,â'‚¬? he said, â'‚¬?from both sides of the track.
Some people prayin', keep a-listenin', keep a-helpin' out the show,
â'‚¬?Cause ol' John's with you anywhere you go.â'‚¬?

Now some folks claim the Scriptures are the only living truth,
Others swear by Peter, Paul or Matthew, Mark or Luke,
Ah but there ain't a nicer passage just to sail a dream upon
Than the gospel accordin' to John.

He was just an old-time preacher but he answered mama's call,
His words may never save a soul, but his faith could heal us all.
â'‚¬?Cause life's a sacred pilgrimage whatever trip you're on
And that's the gospel accordinâ'‚¬? to John.

Recitation:
God bless you, John â'‚¬? you ol' devil ...