I am your neighbor. I seem most respectable,
But underneath I'm an iniquitous toad.
So many dreadful mishaps have befallen you ---
Down at the end of your road.
And I live down the end of your road.

I'm working on ways to remove you from paradise ---
From your striped lawn and your new swimming pool.
I place broken bottles in your geraniums ---
Sabotage your gardening tools.
And I live down the end of your road.

By day I am a real estate gentleman.
I deal in fine properties --- cheap at the price.
After dark, I plan my most devious practices
Which you might think are not very nice.

Designing a system to reverse your plumbing ---
Welling up, as you sit on your private throne.
Will come up all kinds of vile and despicable nasties
You would rather not have in your home.
And I live down the end of your road.

Dispensed loathsome creatures in your drawing room,
Sent doggy poo-poos in your morning mail.
Rat's heads and lark's wings should set your tums turning
And your houses will soon be for sale.
And I live down the end of your road.

I live down the end of your road.