Cletus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal.
He was in a bind, ten payments, and the bank re-poed his wheels.
When he came acroos this old man sittin' at Jalopy's used car lot.
Cletus jumped up on the top of one and said, "feller, let me tell ya what.

Now I'm not gonna proud of this deed I'm about to do.
With no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere, so I'm gonna steal a car from you.
Now I've seen you collection here, and I admit the pickin's are few.
I know the pinto's gold, but consider it stole, 'cause I got a show to do."

The man said, "my name's Jalopy," and he gave an evil grin,
Because he knew that car wouldn't get to far 'fore the motor blew up again.

Cletus you'd better hit the road if you're gonna be a star.
The show's way up in Georgia, and you're openin' up for Garth.
Your future's ridin' on this shiny pinto painted gold,
And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show.

Cletus said, No way in heck he's gonna open up this show!"
Then fire flew from the manipold as his right front tire blowed.
He pushed that wreck across the street and man was Cletus tissed.
He tried and tried to start her up, but it sounded something like this.

Cletus opened up the hood and said, "I'll be a son of a gun."
It didn't take long to figure out why the heck it wouldn't run.
Fire from the engine, lots of smoke,
He can already hear them redneck jokes,
Dad blam oil pan laying in the road.
Would he make the show? Heck no, heck no.

Cletus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show.
And he heard him joke of how he'd passed a burning gold Pinto.
Later on Garth told Cletus he'd never get a chance again,
As he gave the check to that ol' redneck that drove a Mercedes Benz.

"Tough break big guy, before I go,
Would you like to hear another redneck joke?
Did you know I got my own tv show?"
Well does anybody watch it? No, heck no?

You might be a redneck if your momma finds you out behind the barn
whupping Jeff Foxworthy for talking about rednecks so much.

I'm just kidding Jeff,
I like ya, I'd love to be on your tv show
Come here to me.